I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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