I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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