So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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