I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
