bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am one with the molecules
I love you. Go after that dick
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