over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
