he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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