All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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