Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize