She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight