thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize