i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
wow bdsm is so cute
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
