Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
