It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
