dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
