drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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