Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
either way he was missing a nipple.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
