I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Shame - the story of my life.
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