blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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