he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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