youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
