I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize