make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
