I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
