I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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