oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
