that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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