Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
