You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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