ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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