The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
