He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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