I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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