That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
