put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
