A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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