The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
