she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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