If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My dick has a subreddit
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
