omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
