Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
