Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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