There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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