Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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