Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
