She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
