So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
love makes seman taste better
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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