she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
