sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
