You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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