Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Never joke about your clitoris.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
