I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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