Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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