I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
