just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
