about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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