in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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