I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
one might say we're banned from that church
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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