He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
