I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
did i just pee glitter
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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