i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
