i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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